Riddle Her a Secretary – How to win an election.

When I was in the fifth grade, I went to a private Lutheran school and wore a uniform everyday.

Despite what TV and movies would lead you to believe, my school uniform was neither form fitting nor attractive in any manner. Something about putting on that blue plaid skirt, white socks, and white button up each day made me feel regal though. So regal, in fact, that I decided to run for student council.

Now, at this point in reading I need to say something. There are two kinds of people reading this. People who have seen me talk in front of crowds, and people who haven’t.

For the people who haven’t – here’s a fun fact – I have never in my life said more than 3 sentences in front of a crowd without crying. Ever.

For those who HAVE – can I get an ‘amen’?!?!

I’m a crier by nature. Movies, greeting cards, and insurance commercials…I’ve cried during them all. But more importantly, crying is my go-to for any emotion I feel. So whether I am sad, happy, angry, stressed, or just running late, I am likely crying. It’s not only an annoying trait, but very frustrating when you are trying to yell at a terrible driver, but you look like a 13 year old who’s favorite 1Direction-er just died.

You lose credibility when you cry.

Which brings me back to my story.

I decided to run for Class Secretary. Because I like paper and pens and had a hobby of sticking paperclips on the ends of my fingers and tapping them on desks to sound like acrylic fingernails.

Those were my only reasons for running, in fact.

Which should probably have been my first clue.

Anyway – I did it. My mom helped me make posters and write a speech and I put my name in the running. It was exciting – really, truly exciting! I had a great speech.

So the day came where I had to give my speech to the entire student body. No problem. A few competitors would also give speeches and then the student body would vote and I would win. Then I would celebrate by sticking paper clips on my fingertips and tapping things while I laughed maniacally.

So I walked up to that podium and I started my speech.

“Hi, I’m Hannah. I would like to be the class secretary…’

…And then nothing. That was it. I said words. And then I stopped saying words. And all of the sudden, words didn’t exist. For what felt like seven long hours (but was likely about one long minute), I did not utter a single word. Every previously learned phrase in my ten years of life left my brain. I could say nothing.


I dropped to the floor crying and then got up and ran off the stage.

No redemption. No, ‘I’m sorry’ through tears. Nothing. I just cried and ran.


I won that election.



In case you’re sitting back thinking ‘I bet it wasn’t as bad as it sounds’, here is a photo of what I looked like in the 5th grade.  It was definitely as bad as it sounds.


And that, dear friends, is the end of my story. I have no moral or hidden motive. I just wanted to remind everyone that I’m a fool.

A crying, mess of a fool.


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