Riddle Her Impressed – The aliens are stealing my stuff.

I think sometimes it’s easy to pretend to be normal. I live in a normal neighborhood. In a Texas suburb. I have three kids, a dog, and a single fish in a fish bowl. We mow our (front) lawn and take our kids out for bike rides.

I think if someone never had a real conversation with me, they would be inclined to think ‘Hey, that chick Hannah is pretty regular’.

That’s why I feel like this may come as a shock to some of you:

I’ve decided aliens are real.

Here’s why.

I am missing a ton of crap. For real. Tons. Like – I could name 12 items off the top of my head that I know I owned and now I don’t.

And I think the only logical explanation is aliens. Because aliens need stuff. And I’m missing stuff. Dude, I know a lot about aliens, okay? They need ALL KINDS OF STUFF!

When I was thirteen I had THE COOLEST stack of eye shadows EVER. My stepdad bought them for me at a kiosk in the mall. They haven’t been seen since that day.

When I was seventeen, I had this vintage Mr. Peanut t-shirt that I still dream about today. Where is it, you ask? Aliens. Duh.

Somewhere out there, there is an alien rocking a vintage Mr. Peanut t-shirt and some seriously outdated eye shadow from a Canoga Park mall.

Now, some people might be thinking that, what with having three children, that maybe it is possible that I have simply misplaced some of my items. No! It’s not. Because I’m a grown-up and I don’t lose things. I am responsible. People who are smaller than me call me ‘mom’. I don’t lose things, I find them. I don’t ask questions, I answer them. I don’t get driven places, I drive places. I AM A GROWN UP!

And when exactly did that happen? Because, quite frankly, I still feel like a kid. When I walk into my sons classroom and sit with all the other parents, I feel like a little girl. With purple hair. And chipped nail polish.

Believe it or not, I have a point here.

Kind of.

I think I’ve made some bad first impressions in my lifetime. And honestly, I’ve made some bad 50th impressions as well. I can come across as cold and snobby apparently. And I have been told that I am hard to approach.

I sometimes have a hard time being kind and keeping my sarcasm in check. And there are days weeks months when I have trouble talking to people who I don’t know.

But somewhere in my apparently cold exterior is a very strange girl who likes to laugh and daydream about aliens stealing her things.

So, from now on, let’s meet people a few times before we make a decision about them.





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