Lately, in the name of feminism, I’ve watched my peers cut off fellow women. I’ve sat back as words have spewed out of friends and family alike who have berated lifestyles that don’t line up with their personal desires and dreams.
It’s caused me to think a lot about feminism and how I feel about my gender. As a whole, the women in my life are strong. They are capable, smart, loving, compassionate, kind, understanding, and solid women. I have been lucky to have been raised by a woman who taught me to have opinions of my own. And I have watched as the women in my life have walked through some of the hardest things people walk through – and they’ve conquered those mountains with grace and come out with a sense of pride and accomplishment. I have watched these women embrace each other, build each other up, and push each other toward bigger and better things.
I’ve also watched these women fail. They’ve come unraveled. They’ve been in pain and struggled to navigate through muddy waters.
Because women, like men, are human.
And that’s just it – when we start talking about women, even as women ourselves, we tend to imply that there is a right and a wrong. But HUMANS have no manual. We have no instruction book. There is no path highlighted for us. This is the beauty and terror of living life.
Lately, I’ve seen blog after blog about women who don’t want kids and I want to scream ‘Hallelujah’! Because not everyone should have kids. Especially women who don’t want kids. There are women who are called to be childless. Women who are called to have six kids. Women who are called to be fighter pilots who bake the best cookies you’ve ever tried. Women who are called to be fashionistas who also know how to code videogames. There is no correct. No incorrect. No debate.
But underlying through every individual path, what there SHOULD BE, is acceptance. Acceptance for the calling of fellow women. Fellow humans. Acceptance that your calling and mine will look different. But that neither is wrong.
I can’t express adequately how much it pains me to see women talk about how mothers have thrown away their passion. My passion, my calling, what I have dreamed about since I was a kid – was motherhood. Well, motherhood and being Gwen Stefani. But apparently you can’t actually BE another person. Something about science. I don’t know. And it is painful to see women on the other side respond with things like ‘you don’t know love until you’ve had a child’. Bull honkey! Love is real. Love is everywhere. It is experienced by parents and nonparents alike. But until women learn that feminism means having these starkly different lifestyles and NEEDING these different lifestyles, feminism will fail us.
So – in the name of feminism, can we all just agree that ultimately what we want for our fellow humans is for them to live a life that is good and whole and passionate? And that, whatever that looks like in relation to our own life, it is just simply okay?
You’re okay. I’m okay.