Riddle Her Violent – Throwing applesauce and yelling.

applesauce

Guys. Today I told my daughter that she couldn’t have a napkin and then I threw a handful of applesauce into her little face.

And this isn’t going to be about how I regret it. Or how I was so sorry that I cried. Because neither of those things would be true.

What I am going to talk about is how, sometimes, parents need to just freak the frack out.

Seriously.

As a stay-at-home mom, there are times when I feel like I have to keep it together at every second. Because I’ve been blessed! I have a husband who works his fine ass off at two jobs making it possible for me to raise my kids in the comfort of my own home. I need to be grateful and never be overwhelmed.

And here – before I start getting emails – I AM SERIOUSLY GRATEFUL. Most days. I really am. My husband is an incredible man (blog in progress) and I am constantly amazed by what he does for our family.

But an important lesson I have learned is that my being overwhelmed does not negate my appreciation for our position.

I love staying home. And all those stay-at-home moms who say things like ‘I don’t sit in my pajamas and watch TV all day’ are either way better moms than I am…or they are liars. Because there are PLENTY of days where that is precisely what I do.

And then there are days when we leave the house bright and early and don’t get home until it’s time for sleep. Life is anything but consistent for us. And I love it that way!

But it is NOT always a walk in the park. I have a baby with growth issues and therefore have therapy appointments for him six times a month. And I have a two year old little girl who has more energy than the tazmanian devil and hasn’t stopped whining in four months. Then there is our eight year old who is by far our easiest child, but still requires general maintenance.

There are times when staying home is not a walk in the park.  Times when I start googling job openings and wishing I had a place to go where I could have adult interaction and alone time in a car.

But those times do not mean that I don’t appreciate what I have.

But real life is messy and there are days…days like today. Days where I wake up with no electricity and a little girl who is potty training and won’t poop in the dark. Days like today when my youngest won’t do his PT exercises without weeping into my arms. Days like today where I throw applesauce at my daughters face.

After hours of listening to her whine and watching damn Caillou get away with murder and then crying because he doesn’t have any friends…I lost my cool.

The Little Lady had dropped a spoonful of applesauce on the kitchen counter and was demanding a napkin and I lost it.

I just lost it.

Plain and simple. Before I knew what I was doing, I had thrown a handful of applesauce right at her little face and was YELLING that she couldn’t have a napkin.

Yep. I did that.

Did I feel good about it? SURE DID!

Did I apologize? Not right away.

Was it my shining moment as a parent? Hopefully not.

Throwing applesauce at Charlotte was not the best call. And, when I had cooled, I was gentle and kind. I wiped her face, gave her kisses, and explained that whining and throwing things were both unkind ways to get attention and that we both needed a timeout. So I sat in the corner with her and we took a timeout.

Look, as parents it is so easy to get caught up in maintaining this sense of togetherness. Like we are emotionally together all the time. Like we have perfectly balanced meals three times a day and our kids are too perfect for us to ever lose our cool. We tend to feel like if we need to step away from our kids, be adults, enjoy alone time…that we have somehow failed.

But look what happens when I go too long without my alone time! I throw applesauce at my kids!

At the end of the day, it is so crucially important that parents and non-parents alike are taking the opportunity to breathe in and out and be calm.

The universe is a messy place. This planet is the worst of them all. And, if we let ourselves skip moments of calm, we are all going to start imploding.

Today I threw applesauce at my daughter. Tomorrow I won’t.

I mean, we are out of applesauce.

-Hannah-

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