Almost four years ago I sat down to write this letter to the Baby Monster. We were embarking on a new and wonderful adventure that would change our lives forever. It was bittersweet as I said goodbye to the chapter that was just for us. I knew life would only get more and more wonderful as time went on, but I never knew how much so.
This is my letter to him then:
Baby Monster – I want to write and tell you something before the feeling I have now fades.
…before life happens.
…before you’re too cool to give me kisses in the grocery store.
…before things get any better or any worse.
For the last 4 years you have been my reason to wake up, to go to work, to push myself harder, and to pursue a life lead morally.
You have been my most dependable friend.
Your hand on my back when you’ve seen me crying, or your little teeny tiny voice asking me how my day has been when I come home from work…you have made every single minute of my life better than it should have been. Bad days have been bearable, and good days have been frequent and made better by your life.
We’re entering something new in a few days. Something that will, undoubtedly, only serve to enhance all of the wonderful things we already have.
Clint and I are getting married.
He loves you so much. I know you love your daddy. You should. But I hope you grow up knowing how lucky you are to have so many people loving you. You are a JOY. From the very moment I knew you were coming, I have done nothing but my best to ensure goodness in your life (with human pitfalls here and there).
Last night was our last night. It was our last night in our own little world. Where Momma and Baby Monster ruled all and adventures were had at every mundane turn. I caught you before you were asleep and brought you into my room. I turned on Finding Nemo and your sleepy eyes stayed open until the very last minute. I watched you laying there watching that little fish on the T.V. and I thanked God for every little piece of you. Every finger and toe. Every thought and word. Every laugh and cry.
You, my Baby Monster, are the gift God gave me when I was too broken to see Him. Your very life was what brought me back to life. You are a miracle. When I woke up this morning your little hand was resting on my cheek. I laid still until you rolled away.
The rest of our life is only going to get better and better. I just wanted you to know that this first 4 years together, has been the best of my life to this point. I will always cherish this time we’ve had together. It is something rare.
Every single person who has come across you will tell you that you bring joy to every room you enter. You have such a wonderful gift in that. I cannot wait to see what you do with the rest of your long life.
Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for allowing me to fail and loving me through the hardest times.
I can’t wait for the three of us to continue on together. I love Clint. He is unique and funny and smart. He loves you. He loves me. He is what I have been waiting for. He is nothing less than what you deserve. He is wonderful.
And our life is about to EXPLODE! It will be loud, and bright, and exciting. But this time with you… will go with me forever.
I love you.
And this is my letter to him now:
Well, It’s been another four years. Tomorrow morning you will be eight years old and I am just amazed at the young man you are. Compassionate, caring, kind, and brilliant. You came into this world in a whirlwind and you have just been enjoying the ride ever since.
Your laugh is infectious. I mean, the real one. Not that silly fake one you use some days. No – that unstoppable one I hear when we talk about farts. THAT’S the one I love.
Your smile is crooked and perfect. I wait each day to pick you up from school just excited to see the joy you carry with you.
Because you do, you know. You carry joy unlike anyone I have ever met. You walk into rooms and your joy spreads like wildfire to those around you. You are hysterical and brilliant – a combination I can only assume you got from me!
You have only continued to add to this world in the last four years. You have added not only joy, but grace and wisdom. You have added humor. You have added adventure. You have added generosity. You have simply added. You DO NOT take away.
And when you ARE away, my mommas heart can’t take it. When I walk into your bedroom where I would usually find you playing with your legos, I find myself aching for you to be back home. I am SO glad you have these two homes to be safe in. It will just never be easy to say goodbye.
As you have gotten older, we have hit a few hurdles. You have had some hard days. And those days aren’t ones I wish to repeat, but I hope you know that sometimes the hard days are there because the love we all have for you forces us to always want better from you. Because you are capable of anything. You are going to be a mover of mountains. A world shaker. A life changer. You are going to do big things! Huge things! I just can’t believe I get to be your momma. I can’t believe I’ve been blessed with you to watch conquer the world.
Thank you for letting me fail and meeting me with grace. Thank you for being a kid who, when I was on bedrest, brought me notes and paintings every day. Thank you for being the kid who watches out for his younger siblings. Thank you for loving others so well.
I hope this next year of your life offers you even more joy. I hope it offers you strength and goodness. I hope you find yourself making the best friends who you will carry through the rest of your life with you. I hope you find out that EIGHT is the best year yet.
I love you.