Having three kids lends itself to scads of unsolicited advice, questioning, and bizarre statements. I think maybe I come across as too approachable sometimes. The following is a list of actual things that real human beings have said to me in the last 8 years of my life. Friends, family, and strangers alike.
1 – “Please tell me you’re not pregnant”.
Well, okay. But you only get one request and that seems like a strange one. How about you also tell me how many times I’m allowed to pee in a day and what I should be allergic to.
1 – “Are you having twins?” – No. “Are you sure?”
Nope. Not sure. Can you check for me? Listen – just tell me I’m a cow. That’s less offensive.
3 – “You have one of each – are you done?”
Yeah – because I was starting a collection and it’s complete now. I’m moving on to animals next week.
4 – “Is your husband babysitting tonight?”
I don’t know. I thought he was home with our kids. But maybe he took a babysitting job I didn’t know about. I should go home and make sure the kids are being looked after.
5 – “How do you ever get anything done?”
With my hands and brain, mostly.
6 – “I’d rather have a messy house and happy kids than a clean house and unhappy kids”.
I mean, I guess that works. I happen to like having a clean house and happy kids. But thank you for implying that me keeping things tidy will scar my children for life. While I’m cleaning, I like to store them in pet crates and play the jaws music on repeat. (Note: My house is not always tidy and I sure as heck won’t be judging anyone who has either a clean home or one covered in toys).
7 – “Don’t worry about the baby weight, it will come off eventually”.
This isn’t baby weight anymore. This is a love for queso. Get off my back!
Alright, I’m off to clean my house and ignore my kids. I’ll come back to write later when my husband gets home and can babysit for me.