“Of all my metaphorical art projects, this is by far the coziest”. – Leslie Knope
I am not that woman. You know her – the woman who scrapbooks every event in her life. The woman who owns glue guns and has a specific closet for crafting supplies. The woman who can go into a craft store and come out with things other than candy (if they didn’t sell candy at the checkout, I’d never go in) and a picture frame that doesn’t fit the photo that they forgot to measure.
I have friends who can do miraculous things with scotch tape and used gum wrappers. One friend in particular who can literally make giant flowers out of tissue paper that I would pay too much money for.
Which brings me to this – PINTEREST.
Pinterest may actually be the devil. Has anyone looked into that? Remind me to google it later.
I find myself pinning art projects and DIY decor – becoming overly confident in my crafting skills and forgetting that the last time I tried to paint a picture frame, I accidentally staple gunned myself to it. Why did I have a staple gun out to paint a picture frame? None of your business! Stop harassing me!
I actually DO these projects that I pin. Most of the time, at least. I see a photo, I click the link, I watch the video tutorial, I read the description of each step, and I say to myself “Self”, I say, “You are a strong capable woman. You can do anything you put your mind to. The God that created the UNIVERSE created you! You are POWERFUL AND WISE”.
But ultimately the problem lies in one very important detail – I am the laziest person who ever lived.
I know women exist who are capable of managing their lives AND making roll away beds look like princess castles, but I am not one of them. And I need the secrets of the trade.
Is there a lazy version of pinterest somewhere? Is that just what Target is?
I want to know how to re-paint my kitchen cabinets, but I’d like to not have to sand them down, remove my dishes, or tape anything off. I’d like to make my dog a bed that looks like a chevron factory exploded, but I don’t want to buy nails so I need a version where I can use thumb tacks and cardboard.
I keep reading these headlines that say things like “Make your son a skateboard ramp using just household items”, but I think people are overly confident on what I may or may not have in my house. Apparently, a regular household item on Pinterest is a cupboard of crafting supplies including, but not limited to 14 cans of spray paint, a deer head, and 3 jars of glitter.
I don’t even have one jar of glitter, thank you.
There is no point to this post. I just really wanted someone to know how unimpressive I am. I don’t own a glue gun. Or a pair of scissors that fit adult hands. Or even wrapping paper. Maybe I wasn’t the target audience when Pinterest was created. But boy am I in for the long haul.
Now I’m off. I need to go pin some dinner ideas and then order a pizza.