My weight has gone up, my energy gets depleted quickly, and I can never seem to get anywhere on time. I sometimes eat cold chicken nuggets off a napkin for lunch. Our home is usually noisy making any ‘real’ work nearly impossible to do.
And I feel ruined…
My kids ruined me.
But do you want to know a secret? The ‘me’ that they ruined was ready to go.
It’s so easy, for women especially, to hear from society that things will never be the same after having kids. That we won’t ever be able to sleep in again. Or that our bodies will never be the same. That we will have to drive responsible cars and be home in time to tuck in the babies. We are told that if we go back to work, our kids will suffer and that if we stay home, we are destroying the role of women in the workplace.
We are mentally and emotionally bullied into believing that, from here on out, nothing will ever be the same.
We suddenly swarm ourselves with ideas that, since nothing will be the same, everything will be awful. As if where we were when we were twenty something and child free was the epitome of life. We should stay there. In that mindset. In that apartment. In that body. With those friends. At that job. With those political views and religious outlooks.
So here I sit. Ruined. The remains of my former self scattered all around.
And all I can think is – how wonderful it is to be ruined.
My kids ruined me for that life. Not in the sense that it was wrong or bad, but in the sense that it wasn’t my final destination. There was something different for me. Kids and marriage aren’t for everybody – some of you will be ruined in other ways. But don’t we all need a little ruining? Wouldn’t it be crazy to sit stagnant in the life that we currently have? Never wanting change or working towards a better future? Even now, as I sit in my noisy house perfectly content, I know that the me that sits here will one day be ruined. And I can’t wait to see what is built out of the crumbled remains.
Because life only seems to get better.
So, yes. My kids ruined me. Completely.